


Kartik and Aman’s Book Of Firsts

by AshStoryLover123



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020), Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, I Love You, Love at First Sight, M/M, Minor Violence, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:36:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 17,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23671687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshStoryLover123/pseuds/AshStoryLover123
Summary: This takes place before the events of the movie. The story goes through everything from their first meeting, to their first kiss, to their first fight and so much more. I still can’t believe we barely got glimpses of the boys falling in love in the movie. There will be some angst, but mostly a lot of fluff.
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 182
Kudos: 293





	1. Meeting You

Aman can’t help but stare like a dumbstruck fool. 

Standing in front of him was the most gorgeous person he’d ever laid eyes on. It didn’t matter that the man was wearing a ridiculous super hero costume and fighting fake germs in a mall. 

Aman could have watched him all day. 

He’s walking closer before he even realizes what he’s doing. He needs to put a name to that face. He needs to be closer, needs to drown in those brown eyes as desperately as he needs air.

All sappy poetry flies out of his head however as a young boy steps in front of him with flyers in hand. 

He was saying something about toothpaste. Aman wanted to bat him aside like a fly. 

But he didn’t need to when the boy was firmly pushed aside by the angel himself. Up close, he was even more staggeringly beautiful. 

“Beautiful,” he breathed. 

“What,” the man asked. 

“He called you beautiful,” the pamphlet boy offered.

At this point Aman turned into a blushing, stuttering mess. He’d royally screwed up, with someone that had already been light years out of his league. He turned to leave, when a hand caught his wrist and turned him back around.

And Aman was again spellbound by those eyes. The man looked at him with a soft smile that turned Aman’s stomach upside down. He then stepped closer, warm breath fanning across Aman’s face. 

Oh god Aman couldn’t breath. Aman felt like he didn’t need to breath. He’d never felt more alive. 

“I think you’re beautiful too,” the man said softly.

Aman’s mind short circuited. This was definitely a dream. A man this beautiful couldn’t exist in real life, and he surely couldn’t be calling Aman beautiful. 

Aman needed to know his name before he woke up. Or something shattered this beautiful illusion he found himself lost in.

“Name,” Aman asked lightly.

The man’s smile was brighter than the sun as he replied.

“Kartik. Kartik Singh,” he said.

Kartik. The name felt like the answer to all his problems, the name he’d been searching for all his life and the only one that would ever matter. 

Kartik Singh. 

It took a second for Aman to realize Kartik was looking at him expectantly.

“My name is Aman. Aman Tripathi.”

Something like wonder crossed those features, unguarded awe naked in those brown eyes. Aman dared to hope that maybe, just maybe this man felt the same. 

Like the world had stopped spinning when their eyes had locked. 

And so he took the plunge, falling headfirst into this sensation that seemed to set his every nerve on fire and soothed it at the same time. 

He’d be a fool to run from this, from him.


	2. First Date (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here’s how I imagine their first date would have gone. Kartik nervous, Aman shy, with plenty of awkwardness and stolen glances.

Kartik had gone through 4 different outfits. His fingers trembled as he buttoned up a light blue shirt. He couldn’t ever recall being this nervous for a first date.

Then again none of them had been Aman.

One look and Kartik had been so far gone. Those brown eyes, wide and innocent, were full of so much light as they looked at him. Kartik could scarcely believe he deserved to be on the receiving end of that look. And then Aman had introduced himself, and all Kartik could do was stare as he tried to puzzle out how a name could sound like home. 

His bedroom door burst open and Devika came in. She looked almost as excited as he was. Then again he’d done nothing but talk about Aman since they’d met and the woman was finally going to get to put a face to the name. 

A gorgeous face to the gorgeous name.

“I think he’s here Kartik,” she said excitedly.

The doorbell rang as if on cue. Kartik brushed a hand through his hair, a nervous tick, before all but shoving Devika to the side to open the door.

And there stood Aman Tripathi, in all his breathtaking glory. Kartik would never get tired of looking at this man. His dreams did no justice to the innocence and purity Aman radiated. 

They’d texted over the week, getting to know a little bit about each other but Kartik realized he’d actually missed seeing him. 

He didn’t even know the man but he’d missed him in some way. 

“Hi,” Aman said. 

Before Kartik could get a word in, Devika interjected, sticking out a hand. 

“Hi I’m Devika, Kartik’s best friend,” she said.

“I’m Aman. It’s nice to meet you,” Aman replied politely as he shook her hand. 

Devika’s grin widened even further before she all but shoved them out the door for their date. 

“I expect all the details when you get back Kartik,” Devika shouted.

Kartik looked back, waving at his friend as she shut the door. He turned to find Aman holding the taxi door open for him, a shy smile on his face. 

At this rate Kartik was going to have heart failure before they even reached the coffee shop. 

“Thanks,” Kartik whispered. 

They got into the car, settling comfortably as the taxi driver took them to the coffee shop Kartik had chosen. He glanced sidelong at Aman, who was already looking at him. 

“You look beautiful,” Kartik whispered. 

Aman’s answering smile pierced straight through his heart. 

Well fuck now he really, truly was gone.


	3. First Date (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The magical first date continues, as Aman and Kartik roam Delhi and Aman gives him heart eyes the entire time.

It was a standard first date by most measures. They’d waded through the small talk about songs, movies, food and books with a tinge of awkwardness and a boatload of small smiles and nervous glances. 

Or at least it would have been a standard date, if Aman hadn’t shared it with Kartik. 

Kartik’s face lit up, voice warm with passion when he talked about things he loved. He had so much energy, drumming his fingers and constantly waving his hands as he talked. He was bright, enigmatic and intelligent, with just a hint of shyness that made him real. 

They’d talked for hours at the cafe, and talked some more as they roamed the streets of Delhi. Aman felt like he was seeing Delhi for the first time as Kartik pointed out his favorite spots. At some point, Kartik had taken a hold of his hand.

Aman hadn’t let go since. 

They waited for a cab home now. It was close to 11 in the night. The street was fairly deserted, the air a little colder. Kartik shivered and Aman didn’t think as he shrugged off his jacket to put it around the taller man’s shoulders. 

“Cab should be here soon,” Aman said. It was instinctive for him to reach out and fix the collar of the jacket that had folded in. Things like that irked him more than they probably should. 

He didn’t think much of it until he looked up, and realized how close they were. Kartik’s face was unreadable. Aman wondered if he’d crossed some line and he moved to put some space between them. 

Kartik’s hand wound around his waist, and Aman found his hands flat against Kartik’s chest. It felt like the only solid thing in his world. He leaned closer, he couldn’t help but. Not when Kartik was so close. Not when their lips were just centimeters apart. 

Why did it feel like he’d been waiting his whole life for this? 

But before anything could happen, a honk broke them out of their trance. 

“Damn it,” Aman cursed.

Kartik laughed as they broke up apart. Kartik reached down to take Aman’s hand in his as they clambered into the cab. The ride was short, full of more shared glances and soft smiles, made intimate by the dim lighting and the small space between them. 

“So I’ll text you about a second date,” Kartik asked him as the cab finally reached Aman’s home.

Aman didn’t care how stupid or desperate he sounded as he replied. 

“Are you free tomorrow?”

Kartik’s answering smile was incandescent.


	4. First Kiss (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first kiss, from Kartik’s point of view. Aman continues being perfect in Kartik’s eyes without even trying, and Kartik just can’t help himself.

Aman was coming over to his apartment for dinner. Kartik had actually bothered to clean the place for once. He’d even gotten Devika over to make sure the place passed her ‘inspection.’

They were just planning on cooking some dinner and watching a movie together. It was supposed to be a relaxing night in.

But Kartik couldn’t help but feel like it was a big step. They’d gone on a handful of dates around the city, restaurants, coffee shops, and even an open air market but this was different. 

Aman was coming home. 

The doorbell rang. Kartik planted his signature confident smirk on his face as he opened the door. 

And there stood Aman, flowers in one hand, dressed in a simple button down mustard shirt and black jeans. 

Perfect. 

“These are for you,” Aman said. 

He handed over the flowers. Kartik leaned forward to plant a kiss on Aman’s forehead before he could stop himself. Aman blushed like he always did and it thrilled Kartik to no end that he could get that reaction out of him. 

“These look beautiful Aman,” Kartik said. 

He filled a vase and put the flowers inside. They were lilacs, his favorite, a fact he’d mentioned to Aman on some date. Aman had remembered.

Aman was meticulous with these things. It still caught Kartik off guard though, that Aman regarded his interests as something to take meticulous note of.

“So what should we cook,” Aman asked.

“Pasta,” Kartik asked with a shrug. He rummaged through his cooking items before settling on something that looked like it could be used to make pasta. 

He straightened up, planting it on the countertop. Aman looked at him quizzically, then the pan, then him again.

“Kartik that’s a wok.”

A beat of silence as Kartik tried and failed to figure out what a wok was, why it was in his kitchen, and why they couldn’t make pasta in it. He didn’t come up with answers to any of them. 

Perhaps he should have warned Aman that he couldn’t cook. 

“I’m sorry I don’t,” Kartik started. 

He was interrupted by Aman’s laughter, warm and rich. Before Kartik could register what was happening, Aman had leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek, featherlight before putting the wok back in the cupboard. 

“What pasta do you want to use,” Aman asked.

Kartik just blinked in confusion. He’d just invited Aman over for a homemade dinner only to dump the entire cooking process on Aman’s head because he couldn’t cook. 

And Aman didn’t even seem irritated.

“Kartik,” Aman pressed. 

“Right sorry, anything you like works for me,” Kartik replied airily. 

Aman went back to work, making himself familiar with the kitchen before pulling out whatever he needed. Kartik just watched for a second, slightly bewildered, before he snapped back to his senses. 

“Listen Aman I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I couldn’t cook,” Kartik said.

“Well I’m just sorry you can’t cook. Have you been living on Maggi and takeout all this time,” Aman replied with a laugh. 

Kartik couldn’t help but laugh along.

“Yeah pretty much,” Kartik replied.

“Well not anymore. I’m here now,” Aman said offhandedly. 

Aman turned back to his cooking, like those three words were a given. Like Aman really was here to stay. As Aman moved around the kitchen like it was his own, occasionally telling Kartik what he was doing so Kartik could learn, Kartik couldn’t help but think that maybe he was. 

Maybe Kartik was lucky enough to be the one Aman stayed for. 

“Aman.”

He turned, confusion giving away to wide eyed shock as Kartik closed the distance between them, pulling the shorter man into a kiss.


	5. First Kiss (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one’s short, just continuing from where the last chapter left off. Aman’s POV.

Aman completely froze. Kartik’s lips were warm, firm against his and the effect was dizzying. Aman’s hands came up of their own accord, to bury themselves in Kartik’s soft hair, to find purchase anywhere. Aman’s back was pressed against the kitchen counter, almost painfully, but Aman couldn’t care less.

Not when Kartik was kissing him like he’d been dying to do so.

And Aman finally unfroze, melting into the kiss with equal passion and fervor. All the stolen glances, the shared conversation, the interrupted moments, had led to this. This kiss that had Aman panting for breath but never wanting to let go. 

Kartik backed away briefly only to turn them around to sit up on the countertop. Aman moved between his legs, hands shaking as he placed them on either side of Kartik’s waist as he kissed him again and again. Kartik’s hand cupped the back of his neck, angling Aman’s head so the kiss became deeper. 

Aman would never tire of this, this heat, this electricity, not in a million years. 

It was the sobering remainder of the fact that he had been cooking that finally brought him back into his senses. He drew back, keeping his forehead against Kartik’s. Kartik brought up a hand to cup the back of his neck, keeping him in place as they shared the air they breathed.

Aman placed one final peck on Kartik’s lips before drawing back. Kartik’s soft whine almost had him back between Kartik’s legs again, to do more than just kiss. 

But the pasta had cooked and come to think of it he was starving.

Aman drained the water before adding in some sauce and vegetables. This time, instead of standing a mile away, Kartik stood right behind him, hands around his waist, face buried in his neck, placing soft kisses there.

Up and down the column of his neck, near his ear, his collarbone. Gentle kisses that had Aman’s hands shaking as he worked. 

This man was going to be the death of him. 

Aman only had so much self control.

Dinner could wait. 

“We’ll eat later,” Aman managed to get out as he turned. Kartik’s lips were on his once again, eager and almost bruising in intensity. Hands coming down to lift Aman up so he could twine his legs around Kartik’s waist. 

Aman never wanted this to stop.


	6. Friendships and Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aman and Devika’s first real interaction, and how Aman manages to win her over.

It had been a month. A glorious, beautiful month with Kartik Singh and Aman had woken up everyday thanking his lucky stars for this wonder of a man that had brightened up his very existence. Today they were going out along with Devika to a local fair. Apparently she wanted to get to know him better and Kartik had finally relented. 

Aman wished to know Devika better as well. Kartik talked about her with a love and admiration that felt like years in the making. He wanted her to like him and despite Kartik’s assurances that it wasn’t a big deal, Aman knew how pleased Kartik would be if he and Devika got along.

Pulling on a light hoodie, he made his way out the door to hail a cab. The fair was only 10 minutes away and was bustling with activity and noise when he got there. Kartik and Devika were already there to greet him. Kartik came forward first, huge smile on his face like there always was when he saw Aman, as he enveloped him in a tight hug. 

Devika just smiled at him before the three went inside. Kartik naturally pointed to the crazy spinning ride at the center of the park which both he and Devika refused to get on. Aman didn’t do spinning rides.

Kartik pouted and pleaded but finally got on the ride by himself. 

Aman turned to Devika then, to break the awkward silence that had developed when Kartik had stepped away. 

“You’re not going to hurt him right,” Devika interjected. 

Well that was straight to the point. 

“Of course not,” Aman replied instantly. 

“I know he seems strong and incredibly positive, but he’s been through a lot Aman,” Devika warned. 

Aman didn’t know what possessed him to do it, as he stepped forward, planting his hands on Devika’s shoulders so she’d look at him. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. 

She loved Kartik so much and it made him so happy, that Kartik had found her. 

“Devika I would never hurt him. I won’t let anyone else hurt him either. I promise,” Aman said firmly. 

He didn’t have time to gauge whether she believed him or not as Kartik rejoined them. He got his answer a little later, admittedly through eavesdropping. He’d wandered off to the bathroom and come back to the two of them talking about him. 

And how was he expected to not listen in? 

“Well,” Kartik questioned.

Devika just shrugged her shoulders.

“Oh Devika admit it. He’s wonderful,” Kartik pressed.

She rolled her eyes in exasperation as she looked away. Aman tried to duck out of sight and failed miserably. He expected her to look annoyed as her gaze locked on his. 

But instead the faintest of smiles crossed her face before she turned back to Kartik.

“I think he might scare easy,” Devika commented. 

“What are you talking about,” Kartik asked in outrage. 

Aman didn’t know whether to be offended by Devika, or just laugh at the indignation on Kartik’s face on his behalf. 

“He didn’t get on the spinning ride with you, and like three others,” she said.

“That’s because of his motion sickness,” Kartik argued.

Aman had a hand pressed against his mouth in an effort to stop laughing too loudly and giving himself away. Kartik’s face had actually turned red with frustration as he glared at his best friend. 

But Devika didn’t stop there.

“I think you’re also a little out of his league Kartik,” Devika said.

Pure shock crossed Kartik’s features, like he couldn’t even fathom the idea of Aman not deserving him, and Aman couldn’t take it anymore. He ducked out of his hiding spot, laughing loudly as he came over to Devika’s side. She’d started laughing too as Kartik just stared at them in confusion. 

“Wait were you eavesdropping? Why are you laughing when she was insulting you? What is going on,” Kartik ranted.

Devika sobered up first, reaching up to put an arm around Kartik’s shoulder. 

“I was just kidding. I knew he was eavesdropping so I figured I’d teach him a lesson, and have my fun while I was at it,” Devika explained. 

“Well trust me lesson learned,” Aman replied playfully. 

The goofy smile on Aman’s face dipped however as Devika turned a little more serious. She regarded him thoughtfully before glancing back at Kartik who was still processing everything.

And then she let out a sigh like she’d been defeated. 

“He was right though. You do seem wonderful,” Devika admitted. 

Aman couldn’t control the smile on his face. 

“Thank you,” he replied genuinely.

“I’m sorry I gave you a hard time. I just have high expectations on behalf of him considering he has zero expectations when it comes to his partners,” Devika explained.

“I have expectations,” Kartik said indignantly.

Devika just rolled her eyes, refocusing on Aman. Aman had never really been good with words, but Devika was looking at him expectantly and so he said the first thing that came to mind. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever meet your high expectations, I’m not perfect and you were right earlier about him being out of my league, but I’ll try. I can try. I want to make him happy,” Aman said nervously.

He’d sounded a lot more coherent and a lot less like he was appealing for a job in his head, and he felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment as he finished talking. He kept his eyes trained on his shoes. 

Suddenly he stumbled back a step, as Devika threw her arms around his neck. It took him a second to respond as he awkwardly put his arms around her. Glancing over the top of her head, he noticed the thin sheen of tears in Kartik’s eyes. 

Devika drew back and for the first time that night, she had a real smile on her face as she looked at him. Then it shifted into her mischievous grin as she turned to Kartik, keeping an arm around Aman’s waist. 

“You know if anything, I think you might be a little out of Kartik’s league,” she joked.

Aman laughed as Kartik shot her a glare before they started outright insulting each other. It was all playful though. Aman had a huge smile on his face when he returned to his apartment that night. 

Maybe he wasn’t so bad with words after all.


	7. Protective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see a lot of Kartik being protective over Aman in the movie, and I think Aman can be just as protective, if not more.

Kartik had always been protective of the people he loved. He’d glare at anyone if they looked at them the wrong away or snap at people who’d say judgmental things. 

He’d never expected Aman to be the protective type though. Aman usually shied away from attracting attention to himself and did little more than hold Kartik’s hand in public. Aggressiveness wasn’t something he’d ever associated with his boyfriend. 

He didn’t mind of course, other people’s stares or whispers hardly bothered him.

But things changed about 2 months into their relationship. When people looked at Kartik differently, he noted how Aman’s hand would tighten in his and pull him a little closer. He noted how Aman’s face would scrunch up with irritation if people passed a comment.

It was a subtle difference, but Kartik noticed.

The first time though that Kartik really noticed how far that protective streak ran was at a party Devika had invited them to. It was at a local bar. Kartik leaned against the bar counter playing absentmindedly with his drink. Devika had dragged Aman away to introduce him to some of her friends. 

That was when some dude came over, stumbling on his two feet like they were too big for him, before proceeding to spill his drink all over Kartik’s shirt. 

To top that off, a homophobic slur rolled off the drunk man’s tongue as he pointed his finger accusingly at Kartik’s chest. 

Before Kartik could even react to the beer that was soaking through his black shirt, Aman was in front of him and the drunk fool was on the ground, hand covering his cheek. Aman’s eyes burned with an anger Kartik had never seen before. 

An anger for him. 

The man, despite being hammered, was back on his feet swaying slightly. Kartik tried surging forward, but Aman’s arm firmly trapped Kartik behind him. 

Before the man could take another step forward, two bouncers came through to throw him out. Kartik released a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding as Aman turned to face him.

“Are you alright,” Aman asked worriedly. 

Kartik just stared, still a little shocked. Aman had returned to his usual mother hen self, cursing as he noticed the beer spilt on Kartik’s shirt before dragging him to the nearest bathroom. 

“Here just wear my jacket until I get you home,” Aman offered. 

Kartik still stared. He could sense that Aman wasn’t like that for just anyone. It was another side to his boyfriend, another side he was already falling for.

“Kartik put this on,” Aman said irritatedly.

Kartik just took the jacket and placed it on the sink before pulling Aman in for a kiss. Aman protested for a second before he melted into it, wrapping his arms around Kartik’s waist. 

They pulled back a few moments later, breathing heavily. Aman’s eyes were dark with desire as they flicked between Kartik’s eyes and his lips.

“You’re amazing you know that,” Kartik whispered. 

Aman’s brow wrinkled in confusion.

“What you just did,” Kartik elaborated. 

“You’re my boyfriend. Of course I’m not going to let someone hurt you,” Aman replied simply.

Aman never realized what these things did for Kartik though, these simple things Aman did like it was a given, like any boyfriend would do it. Kartik had had his fair share of relationships, and had had his heart broken enough times to know that it wasn’t a given. 

And Aman didn’t even realize it.

“Why are you looking at me like that,” Aman asked. 

“Because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Kartik replied instantly.

Aman just shook his head like Kartik was spouting nonsense before pulling him in for another heated kiss.


	8. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think Kartik would be the type of boyfriend to spoil Aman with gifts and affection so I figured why not write it.

Aman was terrible at keeping track of dates. His memory was in general not terrible, but when it came to remembering birthdays or anniversaries or any other annual event that wasn’t Diwali or Holi, Aman tended to forget. 

So naturally when Kartik came over on a Saturday night with a gift in hand and an impish smile on his face, Aman panicked. 

Was it some kind of monthly anniversary present? How long had they even been together exactly? Aman remembered the day they met with crystal clarity, but for the life of him he couldn’t recall the date.

“This is for you,” Kartik said sweetly. 

Aman took the gift robotically, mind still reeling, desperately trying to recall what the occasion was. Was it the anniversary of their first date? First kiss maybe? 

“Aman,” Kartik said.

Aman snapped out of it, plastering a nervous smile on his face. Kartik raised a brow quizzically before pressing a light kiss to his lips and stepping into the apartment. 

Aman turned the gift over in his hands, hoping it would have some kind of tell. 

“You know most people say thank you when they receive gifts,” Kartik teased. 

Aman could play this two ways. He could pretend he knew what was going on, and maybe just maybe get away with it. 

Oh wait he was Aman. There was no way he was getting away with it. Kartik often claimed Aman’s eyes were the windows to his soul and could hide nothing.

Aman had never hated the quality more. 

He turned around to face Kartik, trying not to look too sheepish.

“What’s the occasion,” Aman asked.

He braced for some stricken look on Kartik’s face. His boyfriend was as dramatic as they came after all. 

Sure enough, Kartik’s face contorted into a hurt expression. 

“You don’t remember,” Kartik asked in a small voice. 

Oh no. Aman wracked his mind one last time and came up short. He began to blabber apologies as he made his way to the couch, trying to wipe the kicked puppy expression on Kartik’s face. 

“I’m sorry Kartik. I’m not good with remembering dates. I’m really sorry, it must have slipped my mind. Maybe I should make a calendar or some kind of list to keep track of,” Aman rambled.

He was shushed by loud laughter that seemed to echo off the walls of his small apartment. Kartik was bent over his knees, practically in tears and Aman clamped his mouth shut, slightly breathless from his rant. 

“What’s so funny,” Aman asked irritatedly. 

“You. You’re so innocent sometimes,” Kartik said between laughs. 

Aman playfully punched him on the shoulder before turning around, back facing Kartik as he crossed his arms over his chest. Kartik’s laughs ended at that. Kartik wasn’t the only dramatic one in this relationship. Aman could be just as dramatic when he wanted to be. 

Aman felt Kartik settle his chin on Aman’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around his waist. Aman kept his arms crossed, more out of stubbornness than irritation at this point. 

But he couldn’t help but smile as Kartik nuzzled his nose against Aman’s neck, the cold nose ring eliciting a shiver out of Aman. 

“So what’s the occasion,” Aman asked again.

“Nothing. I just saw something and I thought you’d like it so I bought it,” Kartik said simply. 

Aman couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed at Kartik for pranking him when he was also being so sweet. Kartik settled against the armrest of the couch, shifting Aman to lean against his chest as Kartik’s long legs extended on either side of him. 

Aman unwrapped the present. It was a mustard colored shawl, with faint lettering woven into it with golden thread. Aman brought the shawl close to his face, but without his reading glasses he couldn’t quite catch the words. 

“What does it say,” Aman whispered.

Kartik’s breath brushed the shell of Aman’s ear, his voice a soft caress that had moisture gathering in Aman’s eyes. He wasn’t usually the emotional type, but then came Kartik and Aman turned into a sappy mess. 

“Mere liye tum kaafi ho,” Kartik whispered. 

Aman blinked away his tears, turning to face Kartik, whose face was just centimeters from his own. He could say the words back, but sometimes silence spoke volumes. 

Aman picked up the shawl, placing it around Kartik’s neck before drawing him in for a kiss.


	9. First Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promised some angst so here goes. Every couple fights and I can imagine Aman getting irritated with Kartik’s boundless enthusiasm on some bad days.

Aman had already been irritated when he’d walked into the house. Getting fired tended to do that. He just wanted to take a long shower and collapse.

But Kartik was there when he got home. They’d exchanged keys to their respective apartments a while back. Aman didn’t completely understand why. Kartik spent most of his time at Aman’s apartment anyway. They could just cut the cost and move in together. 

Kartik sat on the couch now, wine glass in hand. On most days, Aman was happy, beyond happy to see Kartik when he got home from work, moving around Aman’s house like he belonged there. 

Today just wasn’t one of those days. 

“I brought wine,” Kartik said mischievously.

On most days Aman loved playful, jovial Kartik. On some days he even joined in with Kartik’s antics. Again, today just wasn’t one of those days.

“I’m not in the mood Kartik,” Aman replied. 

He was irritated, upset and angry and he needed to get Kartik out of here before he said something he regretted. 

“Fine then I’ll get you in the mood,” Kartik replied playfully.

“Seriously Kartik not now,” Aman snapped.

But Kartik was relentless in trying to cheer him up, and despite Aman’s tone, Kartik’s wide grin didn’t lose any of its joy.

Aman wished it didn’t irritate him, but Kartik’s boundless joy was sometimes just too much for Aman to handle. 

“How about some wine and a movie,” Kartik asked. 

“Not now Kartik just go home I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Aman pressed.

The headache he’d thought was gone returned in full force. He needed a shower, an aspirin, and some sleep. 

Maybe just some peace and quiet would do it. 

“I’m just trying to cheer you up,” Kartik said. 

“Yeah well I’m not like you Kartik. I preferring moping around the house alone so just leave,” Aman gritted out.

“You don’t mean that,” Kartik said, with a hint of a smile. 

“Yes I do Kartik god I’m just asking to be alone, why is that so hard for you to understand,” Aman snapped. 

His head was killing him, but it didn’t compare to what the stricken look on Kartik’s face did. He’d made that promise, to never hurt this man and he’d just shattered that. 

God he knew something like this would happen. 

But before he could get another word in, Kartik spoke in a soft, fragile voice that shook Aman to his very core.

Because Kartik had always seemed anything but fragile. 

“I’ll leave.”

And then he walked out, taking Aman’s bruised heart with him.

Oh god what had he done.


	10. Reconciliation (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit more angst. Aman’s upset and proceeds to make more mistakes.

Kartik didn’t want to be alone. Unlike Aman, when he was hurting, he took comfort in other people’s presence. He would have preferred that presence to be Aman but his bruised ego wouldn’t allow him to go back there just yet.

Besides, Aman clearly didn’t want him there right now anyway. 

Not to mention those words. Kartik hated the number of times he’d been on the receiving end of those words. 

Every time, it stung just the same. 

Blinking back tears, he ended up at Devika’s doorstep like he always seemed to when he was hurting. She greeted him at the front door with a refreshing smile.

At least someone looked happy to see him.

“I thought your romantic wine and movie night would last longer than this,” Devika teased.

Then she seemed to notice the tears and the fact that well, he felt drained and defeated inside and was pretty much painfully hunched in on himself at this point.

“What did he do,” Devika pressed.

“He was irritated. I should have known better,” Kartik admitted. 

“I asked you what he did, not what you think you did,” Devika countered.

“He’s not a bad guy Devi. You know that,” Kartik said softly.

Aman wasn’t. He was far from it. Tonight was just a mistake.

“God Kartik just come in,” Devika grumbled before dragging him into the house. 

Aman was a mess. He shouldn’t have snapped at Kartik, shouldn’t have told him to leave, shouldn’t have not run after him when he had left.

And he definitely definitely shouldn’t have tried drowning his sorrows with the wine Kartik had left behind. 

But that was what this day was, a big fucking mistake. Aman felt another surge of tears as he swung the bottle up to his lips.

God he needed to see Kartik but he’d been too much of a coward to run after him and apologize. But now with alcohol racing through his system, inhibitions all but nonexistent, Aman was ready to prostrate himself at the man’s feet to beg for forgiveness, cowardliness be damned.

Kartik could be as angry as he wanted, yell at him if he wished. Aman deserved it after all. 

But Aman couldn’t lose him. Not like this. Aman didn’t know what he’d do if Kartik ended things with him after this.

No amount of alcohol in the world would save him then.

Aman barely registered what he was doing as he hailed a cab, at 2 in the morning, to go to Devika’s house. Because Aman knew Kartik was upset and Kartik hated being alone when he was upset. 

It was miracle he hadn’t been mugged yet as he stumbled out of the cab and fetched up against the outer wall surrounding Devika’s house. He fished through his pocket for his phone, and it took a solid 5 minutes of fumbling and cursing to locate Kartik’s name in his contacts and call him.

The man didn’t pick up. Granted, it was 2 in the morning. He tried him again, and again.

Still no response. The ground felt like it was getting shakier. Suddenly Aman found himself on the ground, back against the compound wall. The phone slipped out of his grasp, hitting the ground with a thud. 

Of course it was the one time Kartik chose to pick up. Aman could here the man’s faint voice through the phone’s speaker, but fatigue was overwhelming his senses. His limbs seemed to have stopped obeying him at this point. 

He probably should have accounted for his low tolerance when he’d started drinking but it was too late for that. 

Another mistake. 

Aman leaned back against the wall and shut his eyes against his better judgment. 

Tomorrow, he’d beg Kartik to take him back.


	11. Reconciliation (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aman and Kartik finally patch things up, but not before some drama first. In which Aman continues to screw up, before finally making things right.

Aman say something damn it,” Kartik cursed.

Still no response. Suddenly feeling infuriated, Kartik cut the call, turned off his phone, and curled up under his blanket. 

But after an hour of twisting and turning and staring at the ceiling, Kartik was still wide awake. 

He cursed out loud before sitting up. 

He was loud enough to wake Devika out of her slumber. She blearily wiped the sleep out of her eyes. Kartik returned his attention to the phone.

Aman had left him close to 10 missed calls in the last hour. It was also 3 in the morning. 

Worry overwhelmed any hurt he’d felt after their argument. 

“Devika I need to find Aman,” Kartik said.

“It’s 3 in the morning Kartik. He’s probably asleep at home,” Devika replied. 

“He called me like 10 times,” Kartik pressed.

“Well then pick up the phone and talk to him you idiot,” Devika replied.

Before the increasingly infuriating conversation could go on any further, a loud noise filtered in through the open window, followed by a shout and muffled curses. 

“What the hell is going on,” Devika grumbled. 

Kartik was already out the door, sensing something was wrong as soon as he heard that first shout. He took the steps two at a time, Devika running behind him yelling at him to slow down. The frigid cold air hit him, and he shivered as he realized he was in a thin cotton shirt and boxers.

A group of people stood outside Devika’s house. Kartik pushed his way through them, Devika at his side. 

His heart dropped at the sight that greeted him. Surely he was still asleep. Surely this was some horrible nightmare his mind has conjured to hurt him even further than he’d already been hurt tonight. 

But this was real. Devika came to a stop next to him, gasping out loud before rushing forward.

Kartik just remained frozen, unwilling to process the sight before him.

This couldn’t be happening. He’d seen Aman just hours ago, irritated and scowling but perfectly safe in the confines of his apartment. How had this horrible night dwindled into this? 

“Kartik, Kartik I need your help,” Devika shouted. 

She then bodily pulled him forward. He worked on autopilot as he swung Aman’s eerily still form up into his arms. The man’s eyes were closed, an ugly bruise marring the right side of his face. His shirt and pants torn. 

Tear tracks were still dried on his cheeks and the unmistakable stench of alcohol permeated the air. 

“He’s our friend. We’ll take care of him,” Devika was saying.

But Kartik couldn’t give a damn about the rest of the world, about anything for that matter when his Aman looked like this.

Aman shifted in Kartik’s arms, a sharp whine of pain escaping him as he buried his face against Kartik’s chest. Kartik’s arms tightened on impulse.

Aman had been hurt, just a few feet away from him and he’d done nothing, hadn’t even picked up the man’s calls. 

Kartik hadn’t realized he’d started crying until he felt Devika’s hands against his cheeks, wiping the tears away.

“He’ll be fine. Let’s get him inside,” she assured.

Nothing was fine. Nothing was going to be fine until Aman woke up. 

Aman gritted his teeth as pain assaulted him as soon as he woke up. Were those bruises? Where even was he?

And then the events of last night came rushing back, the haze of alcohol blurring out all but the important details. 

He’d come here to apologize to Kartik, and ended up turning into a freaking drunk inconvenience that got mugged right outside of Devika’s house. Yesterday really had been one huge mistake. Aman put his head in his hands, resisting the urge to tear his hair out of his scalp.

Why couldn’t he stop screwing up? 

He slowly got out of bed, wincing as the bruises in his leg came to life. He probably should have just given up his money without a fight, but evidently he lost all common sense when he wasn’t sober. He needed to apologize to Kartik, then he’d deal with the mess of the mugging. 

He limped into the living room to find Kartik on the couch, staring blankly at the white wall across from him. In all the months they’d been together, Aman had never seen Kartik so still or silent.

It reawakened the desperation he’d tried to drown in alcohol. He found himself in front of the man, before dropping to his knees partly because his legs were hurting too much at this point. He debated reaching out a hand, but decided against it, not knowing if that was a luxury that was offered to him anymore. 

“Kartik I’m sorry.”

No response. Aman’s chest was burning with unshed tears. 

“Kartik I should have never said those things. I was irritated because I got fired but that was no excuse,” Aman rambled before stopping abruptly.

Kartik still hadn’t so much as moved. Aman couldn’t control the tears that slipped down his face now.

“Please don’t leave me. I’ll do better, I promise,” Aman all but begged. 

“What, Aman what are you talking, what are you even saying,” Kartik interjected in shock.

Aman lifted his face from the floor to find Kartik staring at him with complete disbelief. He then reached out to cup Aman’s face in his hands. Aman leaned into the touch gratefully, as more tears slipped down his face.

“Aman I’m not leaving you. Why would you even think that,” Kartik pressed.

Aman faltered, unsure about how to response to that. Had he hallucinated the fight that they’d had in some drunken haze? 

“We fought,” Aman continued unsurely.

“I’m not going to leave you for a simple fight,” Kartik replied instantly.

Aman couldn’t control the smile that overtook his face. He reached out, twining his arms around Kartik’s neck for a tight hug. Kartik pulled him off the ground and into his lap, arms secured tightly around Aman’s back.

“You scared the fuck out of me last night though,” Kartik whispered. 

Aman drew back, holding Kartik’s face in place with his hands. Kartik’s worried eyes scanned the bruises that probably looked worse than they actually were, before dropping his gaze like the sight hurt him too much.

“It killed me, to find you like that,” Kartik whispered hoarsely. 

“I was drunk. I wasn’t thinking straight,” Aman said.

“I should have picked up your calls,” Kartik gritted out.

“It was 2 in the morning Kartik. If I’d had any sense, I wouldn’t have even tried calling you then,” Aman said firmly.

Kartik said nothing but he refused to meet his eyes, as he leaned forward, placing his forehead against Aman’s chest. 

Aman ran a comforting hand through his hair. One bruise or multiple ones, it would have killed Aman all the same if their roles had been reversed. He just wished he’d had the sense to not put Kartik through that. 

“It’s okay Kartik, I’m okay,” Aman assured.

“No this isn’t okay. I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to protect you, take care of you,” Kartik said angrily.

Aman planted a kiss on top of Kartik’s head, running his fingers gently through his hair. Slowly, he felt Kartik beginning to calm down.

“You can take care of me now, by making me the scrambled eggs I taught you to make last week,” Aman teased lightly. 

Kartik drew back, a faint smile on his face that made Aman feel infinitely lighter. 

“Alright then, scrambled eggs it is,” Kartik said playfully. 

He got up, lifting Aman with him before turning around to plant him on the couch carefully. Aman moved to follow Kartik but Kartik’s glare froze him in place. 

“I’m taking care of you. You just stay right there,” Kartik said sternly.

Aman rolled his eyes but abided. Devika wandered into the room then, wiping sleep out of her eyes. A soft smile appeared on her face as she seemed to sense that they’d patched up.

“Kartik make me breakfast also,” she shouted. 

Aman heard him grudgingly agree. Devika turned to him with a conspiratorial wink. 

“How are you feeling,” she asked.

“I’m fine, better than fine,” Aman replied with a smile.

She could tell he wasn’t talking about the bruises, as he turned his head to watch Kartik cook with a fond smile.


	12. Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just pure fun. Aman’s blind to flirting and Kartik turns into a pouting kicked puppy as a result.

Kartik didn’t get jealous. He had no reason to be. Aman was loyal, honest and according to Devika, looked at Kartik like he was everything good in this world. Kartik would brush it off but he saw it too. Aman’s eyes poured out all the affection he was often too shy to verbalize. 

So naturally he wasn’t really the jealous type when it came to Aman. 

But that didn’t mean it didn’t irk him when someone hit on his boyfriend, who was too oblivious to even realize what was going on.

The first time had been thanks to Devika. She’d invited them over for a movie night. She’d also invited her boyfriend Ravi, who’d brought along his friend. 

Vivek. 

He’d literally walked in through the door, and Kartik wanted to chuck him out the window. He’d been perfectly polite, handing over a bottle of wine to Devika, shaking his hand. 

And then he’d looked at Aman, and Kartik had immediately noticed the interest there. 

It didn’t help that Aman looked even hotter than usual, in a button down navy blue shirt, his hair styled just the way Kartik loved it. He’d swapped out the usual gold earring with a brighter silver one. 

Kartik couldn’t blame the man for looking interested but it didn’t mean he liked it.

He gritted his teeth and got through dinner though, even when Vivek directed most of his questions towards Aman and stared at him the rest of the time. Aman remained oblivious through it all, raising a brow only when Kartik pulled Aman’s chair slightly closer to put his arm around the back.

Of course he noticed this but he didn’t notice the man flirting with him like there was no tomorrow. 

Devika noticed though, and she came up to him after dinner. He hadn’t even noticed he’d been glaring holes into the back of Vivek’s head until she pointed it out. 

“He’s naturally very flirtatious Kartik. It’s not serious,” she said.

“He hasn’t been flirting with me,” Kartik couldn’t help but point out.

She looked at him incredulously. 

“Are you jealous that he’s not flirting with you,” she asked.

“No I just wish he’d flirt with me rather than my oblivious boyfriend who can’t even tell when someone’s flirting with him to shut it down,” Kartik retorted irritatedly. 

That’s when Devika started laughing. 

“What,” Kartik gritted out.

“You’re just, such an idiot,” she said.

She laughed as she walked away from him. Kartik continued pouting, as he took a seat beside Aman on the couch. Vivek sat on the other side of Aman, and Kartik fought the urge to reach out and strangle the man. 

After two painful hours of watching Vivek comment on something about the movie to make Aman laugh, it finally ended and Kartik felt like he’d run a marathon. Ravi stood up to leave followed by Vivek and Kartik silently cheered. 

“It was really nice meeting all of you,” Vivek said.

His eyes lingered on Aman. Kartik was seconds away from flat out breaking the guy’s nose.

“So I’ll see you around,” Vivek said.

Even Ravi noticed how Vivek looked straight at Aman as he said that and raised a brow. 

“Yeah I could introduce you to a friend of ours. I think you’d really like him,” Aman said sweetly. 

Kartik fought the urge to laugh as Vivek’s expression changed. Aman, blind as he was, surged on. 

“I mean only because you said you were looking for somebody special,” Aman continued. 

Oh god this was even better than Kartik punching him. Vivek just muttered something before following Ravi out the door. The minute the door shut, Kartik let go of the laughter he’d been desperately trying to hold in. Devika followed suit, while Aman watched them with confusion.

“That was brilliant,” Kartik managed out between laughs. 

“His face oh god,” Devika replied laughing as well.

“What, what happened,” Aman pressed.

Kartik straightened up, before swinging an arm around Aman’s shoulders, leaning down to plant a kiss on the man’s cheek.

“Nothing my oblivious baby. Nothing at all,” Kartik replied.

He couldn’t help but laugh again at the irritation on Aman’s face.

What Kartik didn’t notice was the small smile on Aman’s face as Aman followed away Devika to help clean up in the kitchen. 

Aman was blind to flirting in general but Devika wasn’t. The two honestly had too much fun at Kartik’s expense sometimes. 

Then again Aman had shut Vivek down before it got too far. Granted, he could have done it earlier. 

But sometimes a jealous Kartik was just too amusing to pass up the opportunity on. Devika looked at him, and the two shared a laugh Kartik missed as he cleaned up in the living room. 

His oblivious baby.


	13. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kartik talks about his past, and Aman listens because that’s all Kartik really needs. Someone who listens.

It was late in the night. Kartik was drawing slow circles on Aman’s bare shoulder as the man slept peacefully, head against Kartik’s chest. 

Kartik couldn’t sleep though. 

It was one of those nights, when the past blotted out the present and Kartik retreated into the shell he’d spent years deconstructing. He placed a soft kiss against Aman’s forehead, trying to ground himself in this beautiful present moment.

But it was just too hard. 

He tried to be soundless as he cried for no real reason. Tomorrow would mark 6 years since the day he’d walked out of his father’s house, a place of torment that shadowed him to this day. He’d been 18 then. 

He felt 18 now as he remembered. 

Devika knew the story but even she didn’t know the exact date. If she did she would probably be here right now. 

Kartik had already burdened her with enough secrets though so he’d stopped himself from handing over this one as well. Kartik carefully pulled his arm out from under Aman’s head to pad into the kitchen for some water. He’d just finished the glass when Aman came in, blinking sleepily.

“Why are you awake,” Aman asked softly. 

“Why are you awake,” Kartik retorted playfully. 

It didn’t come out as humorous as he intended. Even tired, Aman still noticed. Aman always noticed. Kartik kept his face fixed on the ground as Aman came to stand before him. 

“Look at me,” Aman said softly.

Kartik didn’t. He expected a hand on his chin, nudging his gaze up to meet Aman’s. 

Instead Aman reached for the now empty glass and put it in the sink. He then twined his hand around Kartik’s, and pulled him out of the kitchen and onto the balcony. The streets were surprisingly silent, the night sky devoid of stars. Aman let go of his hand only to place himself on the recliner chair. He spread his legs apart, gesturing for Kartik to come lay with him.

And Kartik did because he’d never have the heart to refuse anything of Aman Tripathi when he implored him with those big brown eyes. 

He stretched out comfortably between Aman’s legs, his ear pressed against Aman’s chest as he wound his arms tightly around Aman’s waist. Aman’s hand was gentle as he played with his hair, his other hand firmly holding Kartik in place.

“What’s bothering you,” Aman whispered.

Kartik just remained silent, burrowing his head further into Aman’s chest. He didn’t want his past ruining this beautiful moment. 

“You can tell me anything you know, I’ll always listen,” Aman assured. 

“I know, I just don’t want to ruin this,” Kartik whispered. 

“And I don’t want you hiding your pain from me,” Aman replied. 

Kartik tried and failed to hold back his tears as he heard the love and adoration in Aman’s voice. The hand around him moved to his chin, lifting his head gently so their gazes met. 

Aman’s finger gently traced over the line of his cheekbone, a sad smile on his face. 

“You don’t have to tell me why you’re hurting. Just don’t hide it from me,” Aman said.

Kartik didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this, especially when his father, hell the entire world had told him on multiple occasions that he didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve anything even close to this. 

But he’d found Aman against all those odds and Aman stayed. 

Aman would actually stay. 

“I don’t know what I did to deserve this,” Kartik let slip.

“Who told you you didn’t deserve this,” Aman asked.

Kartik could brush off the question but he found himself not wanting to. He found himself wanting to tell Aman everything, and have him stay despite all of it. He wanted to heal old wounds that had never closed up right, that still made him question whether the affection in Aman’s eyes wasn’t just a dream. 

He was tired of believing, in his darkest moments, that he didn’t deserve any kind of love, let alone the love Aman had for him. 

“My dad. He wasn’t the nicest man,” Kartik said bitterly. 

Aman’s hand stilled briefly in his hair before he continued to run his fingers through it. Kartik didn’t even know if Aman could hear him as he spoke in a low whisper. 

“He beat me the first time he found me with a boy and he beat me several more times after that. Tomorrow marks 6 years since I ran away,” Kartik said. 

Aman’s grip on him tightened by a fraction, like he was protecting him. It was years too late, but Kartik still drew comfort from the gesture. 

“It took me years to convince myself that I deserved some semblance of love in my life. But you, you’re still more than anything I could have ever dreamed of,” Kartik said. 

He sat up then, straddling Aman’s waist, wiping the tears that ran down Aman’s cheeks. He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Aman’s lips, his cheeks, his forehead. Reverential. Because Aman deserved to be revered, to be treasured. 

They were both trembling, the moment as fragile as a gentle breeze. 

But there was also determination in Aman’s eyes, as he brought up his hands to cup Kartik’s face. 

“You deserve all of this and more. We deserve each other,” Aman said.

He paused then briefly, something like regret crossing his features. 

“What,” Kartik asked.

“I wish I’d found you then,” Aman said.

There was so much pain in his voice and it still took Kartik by surprise, that that pain was for him. 

One day he’d believe it though. One day he’d stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“Better late than never,” Kartik choked out. 

Aman forced out a laugh before reconnecting their lips. Kartik lost himself in Aman, in this love that he knew would one day set him free of these shadows. 

And in that single glorious moment, his past felt like a tiny pinprick of darkness in a sea of light.


	14. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 simple, beautiful words. My take on how Aman and Kartik might have said them to each for the first time.

Aman was sick. His limbs felt like they were made of jelly, his mind was sluggish and the smallest ray of light peaking through the curtains was enough to give him a piercing headache. 

“Kartik draw the curtain,” Aman whined. 

The last time he’d had a fever was several months ago, back when his relationship with Kartik was still new and fresh. So naturally he hadn’t invited his new boyfriend over to take care of him while he turned into a sniveling irritated mess. When Kartik had found out about the fever a week later, the man had thrown a hissy fit and hadn’t spoken to him for a day. 

Which was a pretty long time considering at that phase in their relationship, they’d pretty much been glued at the hip. 

Aman had learned his lesson since then and now Kartik bustled around his kitchen making lunch. 

“Give me a minute baby,” Kartik replied.

Aman in all honesty hated the nickname. He’d told Kartik more than once. But Kartik gave him his puppy eyes, and since it was such a small thing, Aman relented. 

A few minutes later, Kartik set down lunch on the coffee table before closing the curtain completely. Aman remained curled up on the couch in a fetal position. 

“Aman I need you sit up,” Kartik said.

“No,” Aman replied.

“Baby you need to eat if you want to feel better,” Kartik coaxed.

“I’m sleepy,” Aman said.

He felt a hand go through his hair, and Aman made a small pleased sound. 

“Lie with me,” Aman whispered. 

“Aman it’s 3:00 and you still haven’t had lunch,” Kartik pressed.

Aman groaned out loud. Even Devika thought he was the mother hen in their relationship. Little did she know about this side of Kartik. 

It was sweet, except when it wasn’t. 

“Kartik I’ll eat later,” Aman protested.

“You can sleep later. You’re going to get hungry.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Aman the soup’s going to get cold if you don’t eat it.”

“I don’t care about the soup.”

“Baby I know you don’t want to waste the food.”

“Kartik I love you but if you don’t shut up right now I’ll dump the soup over your damn head,” Aman finally retorted.

There was complete silence. Aman smiled to himself, realizing he’d won against stubborn idiot Kartik Singh, before he realized why he’d won.

He’d said those three words.

He’d felt that way for awhile. He knew Kartik felt it too but for some reason they’d danced around those three words for months. For Aman it had predominantly been shyness. 

But clearly shyness flew out the window when he was sick and Kartik was being a nuisance. 

Still the nuisance he was hopelessly in love with though. 

Aman slowly turned his head, and peaked up at Kartik who had a shy smile on his face. Aman shifted slightly on the couch and Kartik lay next to him, their legs tangled. Aman drew him closer, reveling in Kartik’s body heat and the adoration on the man’s face.

“I love you,” Aman said again, easily.

He didn’t think he’d ever said those three words to anyone so naturally, but with Kartik it was as easy as breathing. 

Maybe that was because he’d never really loved anyone like this. 

“I love you too,” Kartik replied.

He closed the distance between them, Kartik’s nose ring brushing against his as Kartik shifted so Aman found himself on top of him. Aman clung tightly to Kartik’s shirt, the material wrinkling under his palm as his boyfriend sat up, so Aman straddled his waist. 

Kartik drew back suddenly with a mischievous smile. 

“And now you have to eat,” he said. 

“Kartik,” Aman groaned. 

Kartik just laughed as he handed him the soup while he kept Aman trapped on his lap.


	15. Grand Gestures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is fluff, fluff and more fluff. The one where Kartik loves Aman and can’t help but show it in the grandest ways he can. After all, since when has Kartik Singh ever been subtle?

Aman had always been subtle in the way he expressed himself. He mostly saved verbal declarations of love for when Kartik really needed it, stood by his side as the quiet, resilient form of support Kartik had come to lean on, and expressed his adoration through smaller actions like cooking or fussing.

Kartik just wasn’t like that though. He loved lavishing affection on Aman and loved spoiling him because, after all, Aman was his to spoil.

And it was his baby’s birthday today so naturally his regular dosage of affection wasn’t going to be enough. 

“Kartik don’t you think this is a bit much,” Devika asked. 

“No such thing as too much. Not for my boyfriend,” Kartik replied dramatically. 

Devika just rolled her eyes and fake-gagged. 

He’d texted Aman to come to the park after work before starting the arrangements. He’d carefully sketched out his plans weeks ago and had roped in Devika and Ravi for executing it. They’d gotten permission to decorate a small section of the local park with lights and they’d put up two tents as well. Fairy lights twinkled and across from the two tents, Ravi had helped Kartik set up a movie screen. Kartik had also spent the entirety of yesterday cooking Aman’s favorites, successfully only because Devika had supervised, to bring to the park. 

They were having a sleepover picnic movie night to celebrate Aman’s 25th birthday, and maybe just one of those things would have made a perfectly fine birthday celebration, but Kartik Singh wanted to go all out.

He didn’t really know how not to, especially when it was for Aman. 

He also had a few more surprises up his sleeve and he couldn’t be happier as he glanced around at his handiwork.

“Kartik when is he getting here,” Ravi asked. 

As if on cue, Kartik’s phone rang. Kartik tried and failed miserably in holding back his excitement as he gave Aman directions to the part of the park they were in. A few minutes later the man himself appeared, hands in his pockets, curiosity written across his features. 

It gave way to wide eyed astonishment as he took in everything they’d put together. 

Kartik came forward and pulled Aman into a tight hug. Aman remained frozen in his arms, evidently still processing. 

“Happy Birthday Aman,” Kartik said softly. 

Aman just looked bewildered, looking at Kartik like he had when they’d first laid eyes on each other, before glancing at everything else once again. 

“How, when did, what,” Aman stammered. 

“So I got Ravi and Devika to help. We pitched the tents first and then,” Kartik began to explain. 

He was interrupted by soft lips pressing against his. Kartik couldn’t help but stiffen in surprise, knowing Aman wasn’t one for PDA. Aman’s hands looped around his neck and Kartik slowly loosened up then, smiling into the kiss that still made his heart race like the first time. 

Aman drew back and a wide smile graced his features as his hands cupped Kartik’s face firmly. 

“I think this is actually the most insanely wonderful thing anyone has ever done for me,” Aman admitted, still sounding dazed. 

“Well you deserve it baby,” Kartik replied with a wink. 

Aman pulled him into another tight hug, and Kartik held him back just as tightly. When he drew back, he noticed the shininess of Aman’s eyes. 

Before he could do anything about it, he was gently but firmly pushed aside by Devika and Ravi, who enveloped Aman in a hug as well. 

“You guys are wonderful. This is amazing,” Aman said as they drew back.

“Oh we know. Kartik owes us, big time,” Devika joked.

They stepped back and Kartik reached down to grasp Aman’s hand in his before dragging him over to the small seating area in front of the movie screen. After some debate, they settled on a movie lineup before grabbing food and making themselves comfortable. 

Kartik barely paid attention to the movie or the food. It was one of those moments when he felt such a powerful surge of affection for Aman that it seemed to override everything else, including his ability to function like a normal human being. Aman wasn’t blind to such pointed affection, and raised a brow in question. Kartik just shook his head. 

He couldn’t quite put this feeling in words, but he hoped his next little trick would convey some semblance of it, of just how much he loved this man. 

His love for Aman was overflowing, a permanent presence in his every thought, every action, every dream. He existed in everything Kartik ever did. 

“Earth to Kartik.”

Kartik snapped out of his thoughts to find Devika standing beside him with a bemused expression.

“You were crafting poetry about Aman in your head again weren’t you,” Devika teased.

He should have never told her, or anyone that he did that. However, a drunken night had to led to this drunken confession that Devika still teased him about periodically. 

“You said you had a surprise for him after the first movie right,” she asked. 

“Oh right yeah,” Kartik blubbered. 

He waited for Aman to return to his side, head against his arm before starting the video. 

“What,” Aman gasped.

Kartik had decided to put his excellent persuasion and sleuthing skills to use, by stealing Rajini Tripathi’s number from Aman’s phone and calling her. Appealing as Aman’s close friend Amitabh, he’d convinced her along with the entire family to send a small clip to him wishing Aman a happy birthday. 

And evidently his efforts were worth it as the video ended and Aman buried his head in the crook of Kartik’s neck, trembling in Kartik’s arms in an effort to hold back his tears.

Sensing the intimacy of the moment, Devika and Ravi retreated to their tent. Kartik carefully pulled Aman onto his lap, cradling Aman’s face in his hands. 

“That, that was, I don’t even know how to, Aman blabbered. 

“You don’t have to say a word,” Kartik assured. 

“No but I do. The video, all of this, I’m not like this. I don’t do all these things for you, but you know right, how much I love you,” Aman asked. 

“Aman of course I do,” Kartik said. 

A small silence stretched between them, as Aman leaned forward so their foreheads touched. 

“You know a grand gesture wouldn’t hurt once in a while though,” Kartik teased. 

Aman drew back with a small smile, eyes still watery with withheld tears. 

“What do you want me to do,” Aman asked. 

“Surprise me,” Kartik challenged.

He didn’t expect Aman to really do anything. Instead, a determined look appeared in Aman’s eyes as he looked around the park before his eyes settled on the microphone Kartik had brought along with the speakers. 

He got off Kartik’s lap, and Kartik watched wide eyed as Aman picked up the microphone. He looked a little nervous and nobody would have probably noticed that but Kartik. He was about to tell Aman that he’d been joking. 

But then Aman began to sing. 

Aman wasn’t the most musical. He wasn’t tone deaf, and he did have a sense of pitch and rhythm, but between the two of them Kartik was usually considered the more musical one in public settings. 

Kartik for the life of him couldn’t figure out why that was as Aman sang. 

Aman was singing the song Kartik had written for them, singing with an unabashed love that stole Kartik’s breath away. His normally shy, reserved boyfriend was serenading him in a park with a love song. 

The teenager in him had fainted. 

In that moment, Kartik was convinced that if love had a voice, this was what it would sound like. 

Aman extended the microphone towards him a little and Kartik took the cue, stepping closer to wrap his arms around Aman’s waist as he sang with him. The world seemed to sway with them as they sang. Their voices weren’t in perfect harmony and their pitch was probably a little off. 

But in their little world, the world they’d built together, none of that mattered. 

The song came to an end and with that they stopped swaying, Aman’s fingers interlocked behind his head. 

“Grand enough for you,” Aman asked. 

“Even the smallest things you do with love are grand to me Aman Tripathi,” Kartik replied smoothly. 

Aman beamed before burying his face in Kartik’s chest. 

“Are you two done? Ravi’s finished dealing out the cards for poker,” Devika shouted.

They broke apart, Kartik keeping Aman’s hand in his as they entered Devika and Ravi’s tent. 

“Still in your honeymoon phase I see,” Devika teased. 

“How could I not be when he does stuff like this,” Aman replied easily.

Kartik couldn’t help but press a light kiss to the side of Aman’s head in response before turning to Devika.

“You’re just jealous. Ravi bro you’re going to have to step up your game,” Kartik chided playfully. 

And so began the usual friendly spat Kartik secretly loved. He leaned back more comfortably and watched, feeling that deep sense of belonging he’d searched for all his life. 

Who’d have thought that one day he’d be living a life so blessed?


	16. Time Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aman visits his family, leaving Kartik alone for a week. Neither of them realize just how much they need each other until they spend some time apart.

Aman had put off visiting his family for as long as he could. He didn’t want to leave Kartik, didn’t want to lie about Kartik, didn’t want to lie about his sexuality and basically everything else that was important in his life. 

But it had been months and the last thing he needed was his parents showing up at his apartment. They’d done it once before, and Aman had almost had a heart attack despite the fact that he didn’t even have a boyfriend then. 

Now he had Kartik, and these two parts of his lives had to stay separate. At least for now.

Kartik had reassured him that Devika was here for him, and he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Aman had his doubts about that. The man still needed supervision around the kitchen. He almost always forgot his wallet when he left the apartment only for Aman to remind him every time. He wouldn’t bother to clean the apartment if Aman wasn’t their to tell him to do so. Hence, Aman didn’t like leaving him alone.

They took care of each other and had fallen into a routine of domestic bliss that Aman couldn’t imagine his life without. It was however only a few days. Devika had teased him saying that some time apart wasn’t going to kill them. 

But now as Aman was returning from the Tripathi household after a week apart from Kartik, he felt like he’d aged ten years. He’d barely been able to sleep without Kartik to share his bed with him. He’d snuck out of the house at every opportunity to check in on Kartik by phone, and spent the rest of his time thinking about the man. Physically he’d been in Allahabad. 

Mentally he was with Kartik. Always. And it had been exhausting and stressful. 

The train finally pulled in at the station and Aman tried to contain his anticipation as he all but ran off the train. He’d missed Kartik though, so much, and he hadn’t realized just how much until he finally spotted the man. 

It was like he could finally breath again, like he hadn’t really been breathing all this time. Aman felt like he’d been playing a part in a play in Allahabad, the dutiful son with heart full of secrets. 

But this was real. Kartik’s Aman was real, and Aman felt like he’d been stifled of life all this time. 

Was this what life had been like before Kartik had come along? Had one man really changed so much? 

No, love had changed so much. 

Aman banished his wandering thoughts as he struggled through the crowd of passengers to get to Kartik. It was only when he got closer that Kartik finally noticed him. 

Their gazes locked and Aman couldn’t contain his smile, or the pure joy racing through him. Kartik was fighting through the crowd to get him, an equally broad smile on his face. They met halfway and Aman didn’t say anything as he launched himself into Kartik’s arms.

Kartik stumbled back a step but caught him nevertheless, hands coming around his waist to hold him tightly. Aman could feel other people’s stares.

But Aman couldn’t care less. 

“I missed you,” Aman whispered. 

“Don’t leave me again. I’ll go wherever you go, just don’t leave me alone,” Kartik said.

Aman heard the tremor in Kartik’s voice and drew back to find the man’s face wet with tears. Aman gently wiped his tears away before leaning forward so their foreheads touched. 

“I’m not leaving you. I couldn’t. I’m not even myself without you,” Aman admitted.

Kartik smiled before drawing him into a hug once more, burying his face in Aman’s neck.

And Aman felt an invisible weight lift from his shoulders as he melted in Kartik’s hold.

Aman wasn’t surprised to come back to his apartment to find it a complete mess. There were takeout containers everywhere. Clearly Kartik hadn’t swept the house considering the layer of dust covering their photos on the mantle. The kitchen was spotless, probably because Kartik hadn’t so much as stepped foot in there. 

Aman looked back at Kartik, who still stood by the front door with a sheepish expression. Aman just shook his head. He would have been mad normally if his apartment was a mess, courtesy of someone. 

But that someone was Kartik and Kartik was his responsibility. So when Kartik made a mess, Aman just fixed it. 

Before he could take the first step towards doing just that however, his head began to spin. Aman stumbled in place, the ground seeming to shift beneath his feet. Kartik was at his side in an instant, eyes wide with worry as he held Aman against him.

“What’s wrong? Oh god please don’t tell me the state of the apartment is sending you into shock. I was going to clean it but a new episode of,” Kartik ranted.

“I’m fine, just haven’t really slept in a week,” Aman replied.

Another bout of dizziness swept through him and Aman’s legs seemed to give out. Kartik caught him, beyond worried at this point as he swung Aman up into his arms and carried him into the bedroom. 

Aman felt his eyes began to close before his back even hit the bed. Pure exhaustion had his mind shutting down. 

But even in that haze of sleepiness, he sensed Kartik move to slip away. Aman reached out a hand blindly, catching onto Kartik’s wrist.

“Stay,” Aman whispered. 

Kartik wrist slipped out his grip and seconds later the bed dipped beside him. Kartik’s arm wound around his waist and Aman turned in his hold, burying his face in Kartik’s chest. 

“Couldn’t sleep without you,” Aman admitted. 

“I slept on the couch with your t-shirt on for a week,” Kartik replied.

“Does that mean you haven’t showered in a week,” Aman bantered.

“I did shower,” Kartik said indignantly. 

“How many times,” Aman asked.

There was no reply for a second and Aman felt his eyes begin to close once again.

“Once,” Kartik finally replied meekly.

Aman groaned out load and Kartik laughed before tightening his hold around him. Aman snuggled closer. He’d missed this more than he could articulate in words. 

“You know Devika thinks we’re codependent,” Kartik said. 

“We’re not codependent. We’re just in love,” Aman muttered. 

Aman’s eyes drifted shut with that and he slept peacefully for the first time in a week.


	17. Bike Rides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There had to be at least one chapter about bike rides ❤️. Hands down my favorite scene from the movie.
> 
> Also warning, fluff overload. Like major fluff overload.

The wind whistled past his ears. The temperature had dipped considerably since morning and Kartik shifted closer to Aman, placing his cheek against the man’s back while tightening his arms around the his waist. 

However, no amount of body heat could keep Kartik from shivering. His teeth chattered involuntarily and he clutched Aman even tighter, practically squeezing the life out of the man as attempted to burrow his head into Aman’s back.

“How many times did I tell you to bring a jacket,” Aman scolded. 

“I forgot yaar,” Kartik said simply. 

He could feel the disapproval radiating off Aman and Kartik understood why. He’d just started to recover from a mild cold, which according to Aman turned him into a bigger baby than usual. Kartik drew back a little, pressing a light kiss against the back of Aman’s shirt in an attempt to appease him. He then nuzzled his nose against the crook of Aman’s neck before placing a light kiss there as well. 

“Sorry baby,” Kartik whispered.

It seemed to do the trick as a small smile lightened up Aman’s features, even as he shook his head at Kartik’s antics. Kartik resumed his original position, cheek against Aman’s back as Delhi’s near empty streets raced by them. 

Kartik had always loved bike rides. When he’d first learned how to ride a bike, he’d practically been inseparable from it. When he was younger, he used to steal his father’s bike keys in the night and go for long drives. 

And during those late nights, with just the wind and the night sky for company, Kartik reached a certain degree of peace and freedom he’d never found anywhere else. In that moment, the scars on his back seemed to vanish and he could forget the fact that ultimately, he had to return home. 

In those moments, he used to think that bike rides couldn’t get any better. Then Aman had entered his life and flipped that thought on its head before completely shattering it. 

But that was Aman Tripathi, forever raising his expectations about how beautiful life could get. 

Real freedom, real peace hadn’t come when Kartik had been racing along the empty streets of Delhi with no one to stop him. It came when Aman slowed down on emptier roads so they could savor the breathtaking silence surrounding them, so rare in such a busy city. It came when Aman purposefully took the bike along a winding path so Kartik could stretch out his hands and feel free and limitless for a single, glorious moment. 

It came when he could rest his head against Aman’s back and shut his eyes if he wished too, knowing Aman would take him home. 

A real home. 

Lost in thought, Kartik didn’t really feel the cold anymore. 

“Almost there,” Aman muttered. 

Kartik just tightened his grip in response as he shut his eyes. When he opened them again, they were on their street. The bike came to a sputtering stop and Kartik felt Aman attempt to pull away to get off the bike. 

But this position was too comfortable so Kartik just tightened his grip, remaining on the bike. 

“Kartik we’re here. You can let go now,” Aman said.

“Never. I’m never letting you go,” Kartik whispered.

“Kartik you’re shivering,” Aman deadpanned. 

Reluctantly, Kartik unwound his arms and clambered off the bike. As soon as Aman got off the bike, Kartik wrapped his hands around the man’s waist once again, nuzzling his head into the crook of Aman’s neck. Aman just rolled his eyes, recognizing that he was in one of his clingy moods. They finally made it into the apartment after much stumbling, and Aman’s muffled curses. 

“What’s got you all clingy,” Aman said. 

They sprawled out on the couch, with Aman lying between his legs. 

“Can’t I be clingy with my own boyfriend,” Kartik questioned with a pout.

Aman shifted, laying his cheek against Kartik’s chest, a hand coming up to rest against Kartik’s chest. 

“There’s clingy and there’s treating your boyfriend like a teddy bear,” Aman said with a laugh. 

“You are my teddy bear. My fluffiest, cutest, softest,” Kartik started.

“Oh god please stop,” Aman interjected. 

Kartik pretended to be offended before flipping them over, so Aman lay below him. Kartik slowly moved his hands downwards and Aman’s eyes widened in alarm. 

And then Kartik began to tickle him. Aman burst out laughing as he squirmed below him, begging Kartik to stop as tears rose in his eyes. 

“Admit it. Admit that you’re my cutest, softest, fluffiest teddy bear,” Kartik demanded.

Aman’s words came out in a breathless torrent. 

“You’re incorrigible,” Aman said.

Kartik just tickled him more in response and Aman squirmed even more, face flushed. 

“Okay fine fine I’m your damn teddy bear,” Aman said. 

Kartik stopped tickling him then, leaning down to nuzzle his nose against Aman’s. He knew how much Aman liked the way Kartik’s nose ring felt against his skin. 

Aman shivered, looping an arm around Kartik’s neck.

“You’re such a baby sometimes,” Aman pointed out.

“Yeah but I’m your baby,” Kartik said cheekily.

“Unfortunately,” Aman mused, with a teasing glint in his eyes. 

It gave way to amusement once again as Kartik began to tickle him, demanding he take that back. Aman finally did, albeit reluctantly before pulling him into a sloppy kiss. 

Kartik melted into it eagerly, letting his weight sink against Aman’s body as the kiss turned languid and slow. 

He’d never tire of this.


	18. The Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Aman realizes just how precious Kartik and his love is.

Aman didn’t think it happened like this for everyone. Most people didn’t look back on their relationships and pinpoint the exact moment they realized they wanted this forever. It was a gradual process, just like falling in love had been. 

But Aman knew the exact moment he’d realized with complete clarity, that no matter how much they fought at times, or how many problems came their way, Kartik was his and he was Kartik’s. 

It hadn’t been during Kartik’s grandiose declarations of love, or during a moment of intimacy. It hadn’t been during a particularly vulnerable conversation, or romantic date.

In fact, on the surface the moment had been completely mundane. 

Aman had just finished washing the dishes after dinner. Kartik was already in bed. He’d put away the dishes and after replying to a couple texts from his family, he’d wandered into the bedroom.

Kartik was asleep, half on Aman’s pillow, mouth slightly open and hair askew. Even in his disheveled state, Aman found him undeniably gorgeous. He turned off the light and crawled into bed. Immediately Kartik shifted closer as he always did, chest against Aman’s back as his hand wound around Aman to rest against his heart. 

It was sometime later when Aman woke up to small movement. He’d always been a light-sleeper. Kartik was awake, but barely. Aman watched in confusion as the man reached down and pulled the blanket up that Aman had kicked away sometime during the night. 

And then he draped it over Aman, tucking it in. Kartik snuggled back into their original position once he was done, sound asleep once more, muttering something about being cold. 

Aman was now wide awake though. He didn’t know why it hit him so hard but that casual gesture felt like a punch to the gut. His throat felt tight as he just stared at the blanket that now covered him. 

Kartik hadn’t even been completely awake. 

He shifted in Kartik’s hold to face the man. Moonlight filtered through the window, casting oddly beautiful shadows across Kartik’s features. Serene, peaceful and beautiful. 

So goddamned beautiful that Aman could scarcely believe this man not only existed, but had actually chosen to love him. 

He didn’t even know how to feel as he felt moisture well up in his eyes. Aman didn’t think he’d ever be capable of loving someone like he loved Kartik. Hell he didn’t even think he’d get the chance to find out. 

But then Kartik had stormed into his life and extended that chance with open arms, like his heart had never been broken before, like he trusted Aman to never break it. 

Kartik shifted closer now, tucking his head under Aman’s chin as his arms wrapped around Aman’s waist. Aman prayed Kartik wouldn’t wake up now because he couldn’t even begin to articulate how he was feeling in words. 

But Kartik just slept, tucked into his arms like a child. 

And in that moment Aman knew, with spellbinding clarity, that this was it. The world could go down in ashes and flames, the skies could tear themselves apart and stars could rain down leaving behind an inky black sky, and it wouldn’t matter. 

None of it mattered. 

Because come what may Aman knew this love would live to see a thousand sunrises and more.


	19. Our Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aman and Kartik talk about the future. Serious but not too serious, because in the end they are still just two boys in love.

Kartik was in his favorite place. He let out a content sigh as he snuggled further into the reclining chair they’d bought for Aman’s balcony. Aman lay against him, head against Kartik’s chest. He played with Kartik’s fingers absentmindedly, twiddling with the multitude of rings Kartik adorned. 

Despite the picture of ease and comfort they formed, Kartik could tell something was on Aman’s mind. There were no physical tells. He just knew. 

He leaned forward, pressing a kiss against the side of Aman’s head. 

“What are you thinking about,” Kartik whispered. 

For a second Aman didn’t reply as he relaxed further in Kartik’s arms. He took Kartik’s hand that currently wrapped around his middle and twined their fingers together. 

And then he just stared at their joined hands like it was a complex puzzle he couldn’t sort out.

“Aman,” Kartik probed gently.

“Do you ever think about the future,” Aman asked abruptly.

“Well yeah I was thinking about making pancakes tomorrow morning,” Kartik replied with a laugh. 

“I’m serious Kartik,” Aman pressed.

He turned in Kartik’s arms, his cheek against Kartik’s chest, ear over his heart. Kartik brought up a hand to play with Aman’s tousled hair.

“Why the sudden curiosity,” Kartik asked.

“Nothing really. I just wanted to know what you see in your future,” Aman replied.

“Well I see you. I see us,” Kartik replied instantly.

A small pleased smile appeared on Aman’s face as he looked up at Kartik.  
Kartik couldn’t resist the urge to reach down and brush their noses against each other.

“What else do you see,” Aman asked.

“Why do I sense that you want me to say something specific but you don’t want to come out and say it,” Kartik teased.

Aman huffed out a breath in defeat. His eyes were firmly fixed away from Kartik’s gaze, fingers now playing with his shirt.

“Do you ever think about marriage,” Aman whispered. 

Something in the air seemed to shift as Aman said the word. Marriage. Of course Kartik wanted to get married. He’d convinced himself over the years, as the world seemed to look down upon his relationship and his love, that he didn’t need a marriage. Love would be enough. 

But Kartik still secretly longed for a wedding, just as he longed for acceptance from a world that had sidelined him all his life. He hoped one day it would happen for him.

And after he’d fallen for Aman, he’d hope it would be Aman by his side if that day did come.

“I would like to get married one day,” Kartik whispered.

“When do you think that day will come,” Aman asked.

Kartik wished he had an answer for that but he couldn’t predict the future. Granted, things had changed since he’d been a kid. 

Maybe one day the world would find a place for him that wasn’t hidden. 

“Kartik.”

He snapped out of his wandering thoughts to look at Aman, whose concerned brown eyes were fixed on him.

Aman’s finger was brushing away a tear from Kartik’s cheek that he hadn’t even noticed. 

“It’s not a question of if, only a question of when,” Aman pressed.

Kartik just sighed. Aman leaned up then, cupping Kartik’s face. The intensity of emotions on Aman’s face took his breath away. 

“I will marry you Kartik, one day,” Aman said determinedly. 

Kartik’s heart skipped a beat and all he could do was stare. Aman had said it so firmly, like he’d accept no version of their future that didn’t see them married. As the silence stretched, Kartik still reeling, the determination in Aman’s face faded the tiniest bit.

“I mean that is if you still want me then,” Aman started awkwardly. 

Kartik shut him up by pressing a kiss to his lips. Featherlight. 

“Wait did you just propose,” Kartik asked in surprise.

Aman laughed at what was undoubtedly a baffled expression on Kartik’s face. Kartik had always seen himself proposing to Aman, in an extravagant romantic way Aman deserved, but Aman was always full of surprises. 

Life with Aman was so beautiful thanks to it. Kartik was sure even a decade down the line, Aman would still be surprising him.

“I guess I did propose. You still haven’t responded though,” Aman teased.

There was just a trace of vulnerability in his voice so Kartik turned a little more serious.

“Of course it’s a yes. It was always going to be a yes for you Aman,” Kartik said.

Aman beamed and Kartik couldn’t resist the urge to kiss him. Aman’s hands curled into Kartik’s shirt as he flipped them over, deepening the kiss. 

A lifetime with Aman. The future had never looked so beautiful.


	20. Babysitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was a bit heavy, so I’ll throw in a lighter, fluffier one before we reach the end of this book. Aman and Kartik with a kid, aka them being the perfect parental unit.

Kartik was adventurous by nature. While Aman preferred routine and simplicity, Kartik thrived in chaos. Even in that way, they balanced each other out. He always loved meeting new people and trying new things. 

This thing however wasn’t exactly on his bucket list. 

“Kartik she’s asked us to help her,” Aman pleaded. 

Aman was using his brown puppy dog eyes and even after a year together, they still entranced Kartik. He quickly looked away. He refused to fall so easily. 

Aman moved to crouch before him, tilting his chin so Kartik was forced to look him in the eye. Those stupid beautiful brown eyes. How could he ever resist Aman when he looked at him like that? 

“It’s just a couple hours. We’ll be back before you know it,” Aman pushed. 

Kartik tried holding out just a little longer but he knew he’d already lost. 

“I’ll make rajma chawal for dinner, just the way you like it,” Aman bribed.

Kartik couldn’t help but smile at that. 

“Can you make gulab jamun also,” Kartik asked eagerly. 

Aman rolled his eyes but gave in with a nod.

“Can you cook naked,” Kartik teased. 

At that Aman’s face resumed that exasperated yet loving scowl he seemed to reserve just for Kartik before dragging him off the couch to leave. 

Kartik had never seen Devika so stressed. He didn’t know whether to focus his attention on her or the 4 year old with pigtails that hid behind her legs. 

The 4 year old was Ravi’s sister’s daughter, Naina, and Kartik had seen her on a couple of occasions. He did like kids and kids seemed to like him because as Aman put it, he was basically a child in a 25 year old’s body. 

However keeping children alive and taking care of them was not Kartik’s forte.

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Take care of her,” Devika stressed.

She directed her attention more towards Aman and Kartik couldn’t help but frown.

“How come you trust him to take care of the kid more than you trust me,” Kartik asked dramatically.

“I take care of you don’t I,” Aman shot back.

Kartik glared at his boyfriend. Devika laughed before moving past them and out the door, leaving them behind with a toddler who still hadn’t said a word. 

“Hey Naina do you remember me,” Kartik asked.

He crouched before the girl. She smiled, her whole face lighting up in the process. 

“You sang at Ravi uncle’s birthday. Can you sing now,” she asked sweetly. 

Before Kartik could even have a say in the matter, the girl grasped his hand and dragged him in the direction of a guest room. She crouched down to pull a guitar from under her bed. It looked slightly old and was probably out of tune but Naina had the most adoring expression on her face. 

So of course Kartik would play for her. 

Kartik was teaching her some chords, a difficult task considering the guitar wasn’t the right size for her, when he noticed Aman standing at the door with a fond expression on his face. When Kartik caught his eye, Aman seemed to snap out of it. That was when Kartik noticed the pakoras he’d brought in a bowl.

“Devika told me you liked pakoras,” Aman said. 

Naina’s face lit up, guitar forgotten as she all but threw it away and jumped off the bed. She was about to reach for a pakora when Aman deftly pulled it out of reach.

“Go wash your hands first okay,” Aman said.

She pouted but went anyway. Aman set the pakoras down on the bed before sitting beside Kartik, shoulders brushing. Kartik reached an arm out across Aman’s shoulder, pulling him into his side.

“You’re enjoying yourself aren’t you,” Aman asked.

“Well yeah she’s a nice kid,” Kartik replied. 

“Then why did you not want to come in the first place,” Aman asked.

Naina darted in at that precise moment, and showed her slightly damp hands to Aman proudly. Aman grinned before handing her the bowl of pakoras. She took it and ran off presumably to watch TV while she ate. 

“We should keep an eye on her,” Kartik said.

He moved to follow Naina but Aman reached out, clasping his wrist to keep him in place. A small frown had formed on Aman’s face and Kartik ducked his head. Aman got off the bed, keeping their hands firmly interlocked. 

“What’s wrong,” Aman asked.

“It’s really nothing,” Kartik persisted.

“Kartik,” Aman deadpanned. 

Kartik didn’t know where to look so he focused on the floor. The words felt like they were stuck in his throat. He sounded like an idiot. He hadn’t even said the words out loud but he knew he’d sound pathetic. 

But if he couldn’t say these things to Aman then who else was he going to say them to? Aman deserved to know.

“I didn’t have the greatest father figure. I just don’t know how to, be responsible for or take care of kids. You’re natural at it but,” Kartik ranted.

“Kartik you’re going to be a great father. You’re nothing like your father in any way. Why do you think you’d resemble him in this,” Aman asked.

He stepped forward, fingers lifting Kartik’s gaze off the floor. 

“Kartik trust me when I say you don’t need me to take care of a kid. You’d be fine handling Naina today without me. Don’t overthink it okay? You’re good at this,” Aman insisted.

Kartik couldn’t help but smile. Aman always knew the right things to say, patiently tackling Kartik’s insecurities like it wasn’t a chore but actually something Aman wanted to do. Kartik pulled him in for a tight hug. 

“I love you,” he mumbled.

“I love you too. Now come. We’ve left Naina alone long enough,” Aman said.

Later that night, Kartik lay awake in bed, Aman asleep at his side as he stared up at the ceiling. He couldn’t stop thinking about the afternoon. They’d been great at taking care of Naina. He’d been scared of screwing up, but Aman was there to reassure him as he always was.

And now Kartik couldn’t stop thinking about fatherhood. What would it be like, to share that one day with Aman? Aman was already the perfect father, kind responsible, mature and loving. It would be an honor to raise a kid with this man, to have a family with him. 

Kartik looked down at Aman who was contently sleeping in his arms, breath warm against Kartik’s neck. 

Yes Kartik could see it. Definitely not now. They still had some hurdles to cross but one day, Kartik could see them starting a family. 

To think that without Aman, Kartik wouldn’t have even dared to have dreams like this.


	21. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes one can only have so much hope. The one where Kartik’s insecurities come to light as he pushes Aman away.

Aman didn’t know when it started. He’d scoured through his memories of the past few weeks, months and come up with nothing that could explain why this was happening. Then again, he could find no words to explain what was happening. 

It was something he felt, like an incessant itch he couldn’t shake off.

The comfortable silences that often stretched between he and Kartik seemed more quiet. Kartik’s laugher didn’t sound as bright. Sometimes his smile didn’t even reach his eyes and Aman felt his heart ache even as he smiled along. His apartment seemed to be losing its color, reflecting the state of its owner.

He’d sworn to himself that he’d find a way to get used to this. He still loved Kartik. Kartik still loved him. Perhaps their love had just lost its luster, more somber now with the prospect of a future set in stone. 

But surely the thought of a future together shouldn’t seem to be pulling them apart? 

Aman was distressed to say the least, lost in thought with no one to really turn to as he sat on his balcony. This balcony had seen many things, their laughter, their love, their anger and their reconciliations. 

Today it would see distance. 

Aman was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn’t register when Kartik walked onto the balcony with coffee in hand. He had more coffee these days. Aman had asked why a couple times but Kartik just shrugged it off. Aman stopped asking. 

Their was that silence again, so quiet it felt like a chasm a mile long had opened between them. Kartik’s words sounded like a distant echo when he finally spoke. 

“The streets are oddly quiet,” he said.

“We’re quieter,” Aman replied without thinking. 

He looked up then and realized with a start that Kartik had been crying. Aman recognized the red rimmed eyes that wouldn’t meet his, the slightly unsteady hands that rested on the railing, the slumped shoulders he’d spent endless nights tracing soothing circles over. 

Aman knew all his tells but in that moment the man before him seemed like a stranger. Because Kartik, even at the beginning of their relationship, had never endeavored to hide his tears from Aman. 

A small voice in the back of his mind was screaming in confusion and desperation to sort this out, to figure out what was wrong. Another part of him was just scared, scared that he couldn’t fix whatever he found. 

But Aman couldn’t afford to be a coward now. He couldn’t lose the best thing that ever happened to him because of a lack of communication. 

So Aman stood up and crossed that chasm between them. He didn’t reach out and touch Kartik, didn’t let his hurt show when Kartik tried and failed to subtly move away from him. He just stood there, hoping it would be enough for now. 

He’d been lying to himself when he’d convinced himself that there was no reason, nothing that happened that could explain why everything had gone wrong. He just hadn’t wanted to consider the possibility.

But he was determined not to be a coward and it helped that he’d taken a couple drinks earlier tonight. 

“Are you afraid of a future with me? Commitment? With the proposal and then the kids,” Aman trailed off.

Granted Kartik had brought up the kids talk but maybe it had been in the heat of the moment. Maybe Aman shouldn’t have actually looked at baby names and left a chit with possibilities lying around. Kartik had smiled when he’d found it and teased Aman then, but maybe he’d laughed to hide fear. 

Maybe Kartik had never been ready, or maybe he wasn’t ready to think of sharing it all with Aman just yet. 

Aman’s own insecurities compounded with Kartik’s silence. They’d only been together a little more than a year. Aman had never been more sure of anyone than he was about Kartik but maybe Kartik didn’t feel the same. 

That chasm was reopening beneath his feet and Aman felt panic twist like vines at his legs. His next words came out rushed and high pitched. 

“Kartik I’ll wait for you. Whenever you’re ready, even if you’re never ready, I still want you,” Aman said breathlessly. 

“Aman it’s not that,” Kartik finally said. 

The panic retreated the tiniest bit and a lick of cold air entered Aman’s lungs. 

“I want marriage. I want kids. I told you all that. God do you have any idea of how happy it makes me that you’re willing to give me all that,” Kartik asked.

His voice was raw with unshed tears. He sounded almost angry and Aman couldn’t understand why. He reached out to put a hand over Kartik’s but Kartik just pulled his hand out of reach. 

How could Aman fix anything if Kartik didn’t tell him what was wrong? He could usually read Kartik, understand where his darkest thoughts led but he was completely out of his element here. Nothing was making sense.

“Just leave it Aman. I’ll do better. I’ll figure this out,” Kartik said.

He turned to leave and Aman reached out and caught his wrist desperately. If Kartik shook him off now he didn’t know what he’d do. He remembered that night months and months ago, when he’d sat on the couch drinking after their first fight. 

God it would hurt a thousand times more if he let Kartik walk away now.

“Kartik talk to me. Please. When have I not listened to you? We can fix this together,” Aman pleaded.

Kartik turned and there were tears in his eyes as he cupped Aman’s face in his hands. This pain was excruciating, this complete uselessness he felt in the face of Kartik’s torment. Aman couldn’t find the right words. He didn’t even know where to look. 

“This isn’t on you. It’s on me,” Kartik started. 

“Tell me,” Aman interjected. 

“We see the world differently Aman. I wish I saw the world the way you did, and for awhile I thought I could by just loving you but,” Kartik trailed off. 

He was sobbing now and Aman was barely on his feet as he tightened his grip around Kartik’s waist, holding him in place. They weren’t walking away from this conversation, not anymore.

The silence would swallow them whole.

“We need to fight so much Aman, for the things we want,” Kartik said desperately. 

“I know. I know,” Aman assured. 

“No you don’t. You don’t know how ugly it can, will get,” Kartik said angrily.

He pushed him away then but Aman refused to let up. He caught Kartik once again by the wrist, refusing to relinquish his hold. Kartik looked in every direction before meeting his eyes and Aman saw an expression in them that he’d never seen Kartik Singh wear before. 

Hopelessness. 

“We might not get everything we want Aman. We might even lose what we have now,” Kartik breathed. 

Aman finally understood as he dissected everything Kartik had said, put the pieces together a little differently, and looked at the whole puzzle through Kartik’s eyes. He saw it then, what had driven them to this point and only wished he’d pieced it together sooner. 

Kartik Singh had always been bright and enigmatic, from the moment he’d entered Aman’s life. All this time Aman had thought it was because, despite all the dark things he’d seen, Kartik had unsinkable hopes for a better future. 

But Kartik had seen the worst side of the world and had simply made peace with what scraps it offered him. He hoped for the world to change but not too much, not the way Aman did and spoke and dreamed of, because Kartik’s hopes would forever be tarnished by his cruel father and the countless others that had hurt him before Aman had found him. 

He wasn’t afraid of a future with Aman. He was afraid he wouldn’t get one. He was afraid that for the first time, he was asking, he was hoping for too much. 

He was afraid he’d be left with nothing again because in the end, this wasn’t about what he deserved. Aman could convince Kartik that he deserved the world, deserved a future full of love. 

But he couldn’t convince Kartik that he’d, they’d actually get what they deserved. 

“Kartik look at me,” Aman whispered. 

Aman could tell that Kartik sensed it, sensed the fact that Aman had put it all together. A myriad of emotions crossed those expressive eyes. Relief. Shame. Guilt. 

Aman wanted nothing there but joy and he’d spend the rest of the night talking if that’s what it took. 

But Aman was at a loss for words. He couldn’t wipe these fears away. He had them himself. It was what kept him from taking Kartik to his family despite how much he loved him.

So Aman did the only thing he could. He reached out and intertwined their fingers before dragging them over to the recliner chair. He sat on it first before dragging Kartik to lay between his legs. 

For some time Kartik just lay stiffly, before he broke. Tears soaked through the front of Aman’s shirt and Aman could do nothing, nothing but hold him and rock him slightly. 

“You have so much hope for a better future. I don’t want to take that from you. I don’t want you to lose that,” Kartik whispered. 

Aman just held him tighter as tears ran down his own cheeks. 

“I want it all too Aman. God I’d do anything to have that future with you,” Kartik said slowly. 

“I’m afraid too,” Aman admitted.

Kartik looked up at him then, and Aman’s heart stuttered at the unconditional love in those beautiful eyes. 

“I’m afraid too but I have enough hope, for both of us,” Aman assured. 

He traced a free hand over Kartik’s cheek and those eyes shuttered close as Kartik leaned into his touch. 

“Just don’t, don’t push me away again,” Aman whispered. 

Kartik just nodded before burying his head against Aman’s chest.


	22. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! This ties in to the movie and ends on a happy note. I’m so glad you guys have loved this book.

Kartik was honestly surprised they only decided to move in together after a whole year and a half together. They’d been through so much by then, fights, promises, I love you’s, hell even a proposal. And now they lay together, on their bed, in their bedroom, in their beautiful apartment they’d got together. 

3 beautiful years with this man, and so many more to come. 

Even the thought felt so sacred. 

“What are you thinking about,” Aman asked.

“All of this. Us,” Kartik replied.

Aman just hummed in response, tightening his hold around Kartik’s waist. 

“You know Goggle is getting married,” Aman said offhandedly. 

“When?”

“Next week,” Aman said.

“How long will you be gone,” Kartik asked. 

“I’m not going,” Aman replied. 

Kartik sat up then, disbelief marring his features as he stared at his boyfriend. Aman startled at the sudden movement, staring up at him with wide eyes.

“Why are you not going to your own sister’s wedding,” Kartik asked in shock.

From what Aman had said about his family, he loved his sister. Goggle Tripathi sounded like someone Kartik would love to, with her free, rebellious spirit. 

“I don’t want to be there and pretend,” Aman said softly.

Kartik just raised a brow, waiting for him to continue. 

“I don’t want to pretend that I’m not gay, and that you don’t exist. Not to mention they’ll probably start planning my wedding as soon as they see me,” Aman said in annoyance. 

Kartik couldn’t help how insecure that made him feel. He sometimes forgot that they hadn’t really fought for their love yet, and that in all the ways that counted for the world, their love was still a secret affair at best. 

It shouldn’t matter but it did. This world was capable of tearing them apart, no matter how much they loved each other, and Kartik couldn’t lose this. 

He’d never love again, never even be capable of loving someone like this again if he lost Aman. 

“Kartik,” Aman said.

Kartik snapped out of his thoughts to find Aman looking at him with concern. Aman’s hand came up to cup his face. 

“I love you. I belong to you. My family will never change that,” Aman promised. 

“Then let’s go,” Kartik said suddenly.

The ingenious idea had already taken root in his mind. He wanted to meet Aman’s family. They were his future in laws after all. What better way to meet them than to attend Goggle’s wedding.

“Go where,” Aman asked cautiously. 

“Take me with you, to your sister’s wedding,” Kartik pressed.

“Are you kidding,” Aman asked incredulously. 

“I want to meet your family Aman,” Kartik replied.

“This is just asking for trouble Kartik,” Aman said.

“Just think about it,” Kartik pushed. 

Maybe Aman saw how badly he wanted to meet his family, how badly he wanted to belong to a family as much as he’d once wanted to belong to someone like he now belonged to Aman.

Because Aman relented, agreeing to think about it.

Later Aman would agree to take Kartik with him, and in some ways he had been right. It did bring a boatload of trouble to their doorstep and put a strain on their relationship unlike anything ever had before. 

Kartik almost lost him and that thought still kept him awake on some nights. 

But ultimately he got his family, and his husband and in the grand scheme of that, it had all been worth it. 

Aman Tripathi, his first and his last forever.


End file.
